sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
