It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
