A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
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