How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
one might say we're banned from that church
He kissed a someone with a penis
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
