She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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