Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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