in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
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