Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize