So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
