You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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