He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Randomize
