a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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