i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
