I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
