You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
