is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize