it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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