Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
i now understand why vodka
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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