i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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