She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Your cock deserves a montage
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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