Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
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