Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
