You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
