So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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