Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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