this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
