Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
