every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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