WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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