shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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