i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize