youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
