I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
