I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize