I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
