Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize