Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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