I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
"it" just moved
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
