I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
