we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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