elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I love having hate sex.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize