i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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