I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
