sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Randomize