Fine. I'll sleep in my office
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
