i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
