Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
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