ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
