why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
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