i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
