just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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