ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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