not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
is wine microwaveable?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
