You made me cry and you don't even care
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Randomize
