He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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