A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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