I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
