why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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