I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Sorry my hands just texted you
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
