Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
