my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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