Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
