so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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