a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize