I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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