You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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