If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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