Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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