Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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